Walking Dead has gotten off to a slow start this season…one episode featured Rick packing a car for a whole segment. Very exciting stuff. Below are my suggestions for bumping up the pace and excitement.
1. More sex. It’s the end of the world. Most of these characters won’t make it out of the episode much less season. We’ve had two to three sex scenes in four years and one of those involved the uber-creepy “Governor” and highly annoying Andrea. Put down the protective devices and bust out the lube and toys. And don’t be afraid to get carnal with a zombie…at least you know they will go all night.
2. Head back to the farm. Season 2 was stationed at Herschel’s farm, and we thought THAT was a snooze-fest. Season 4 makes the farm look like a Paul Greengrass movie after snorting an eight ball.
3. Have a “Red-wedding” episode. Invite all of the characters that have been on the show the longest, like Rick, Daryl, and Carl over to a feast or wedding put on by the new and unsuspectingly nice group that have started a collective in the next town over. While at dinner kill off our beloved characters so we are forced to start the series over with new people. Bask in the outcry of fans who can’t believe you killed off so many people…and who also call themselves out for having not been true fans in the first place or else they would have read the books and known what’s coming.
4. Have the characters build a new website for our healthcare system. Without access to modern telecommunications, power, or anyone in the group familiar with network applications, the group still manages to build something better than the piece of shit we have now.
5. Time to start running out of bullets. Stop using the “unlimited bullets cheat” like it’s a game variant in Halo. By now all the bullets ever made have been exhausted, especially with the terrible shots we have on cast. Try fighting your way through a horde of 50 zombies with a pick ax and sword and see how long those little kids and one-legged Herschel make it.
How would you spice up the Walking Dead this season?
It’s easy to see when a QB fails, we see him throw a bad ball or INT or fail to avoid a sack. It’s harder to see how poorly an interior lineman holds his gaps, or pivots off his initial assignment to pick up a weakside rusher. That’s WAY beyond 95% of fans.
The Cowboys had one of the best Olines in history under Aikman and he took advantage, along with having arguably the best running back ever. Teams had to compensate for a power run game, deep WR threats that ran disciplined routes and a QB with great accuracy. The current team has none of that, the running game is a shell of our former greatness, we pick up spare Olineman the week before our season starts b/c the guy we had was worse than expected. Our receiver core is painfully inconsistent in route running and in just staying healthy.
Add all that up with a QB in Romo that admittedly tries to do too much but it’s bc he has shit to work with and takes it on himself to try and win games.
The real culprit in all of this is the GM/Owner, a man that thinks he knows talent and how to build a team, but who through terrible terrible drafting has decimated this team with massive holes throughout the squad. He also neuters the effectiveness of his scouts and coaches by consistently overriding their professional opinions to satisfy his own “Wildcatters” instinct. If you are a big enough idiot and asshole to think 500 coaches could have won those two 90’s Super Bowl’s, you are bound to tank a storied franchise in the shit for as long as you think you have any idea what you are talking about.
Please folks, cut Romo some slack, he’s trying to win games with a farce of talent around him. Save your venom and frustrations for the only person responsible for almost 15 years of futility.